Google Apologizes For Getting All Up In Your Gmail By Getting All Up In Your Gmail
“Google rarely contacts Gmail users via email, but we are making an exception to let you know that we’ve reached a settlement in a lawsuit regarding Google Buzz”
I know. You feel bad. But I really just don’t want to talk to you. I broke up with you because you were creepy and went snooping through my email. That was a huge invasion of privacy. I don’t want you to apologize. I want you to leave.
“Shortly after its launch, we heard from a number of people who were concerned about privacy.”
I know. You’ve made great progess. I’m glad you’ve got into rehab. But that doesn’t change what you did. So please. Just leave. I want to move on with my life.
“The settlement acknowledges that we quickly changed the service to address users’ concerns. In addition, Google has committed $8.5 million to an independent fund, most of which will support organizations promoting privacy education and policy on the web.”
You’re not going to win me back. Please. Go away. Leave my house or I’m going to call the police.
“This mandatory announcement was sent to all Gmail users in the United States as part of a legal settlement”
Alright. Fine. Then go back and tell your sponsor you’ve fulfilled your duties or whatever. I’ll say “I forgive you” or whatever I need to do to get you to go. Just please. Go.