Teach Me To Be Offline For Two Days

I went offline for two days, and you, gadget news world, went and threw a party, trashed my house, and left me to clean up the mess. Thanks.

First, Facebook decided to raid my inbox, taking all my best aged IMs and malt messages for a Wave-knockoff cocktail. It tastes like a worn-out Web 2.0 spritzer with just a dash of dogfood. Facebook then proceeded to spray it all over my drapes. I am pleased. as. punch. Which, I might add, you guys also spilled everywhere.

Then Google decided to rifle through my wallet, taking out the credit cards and such and adding them to Android Gingerbread as a new NFC filter. Google, you are the only guy I know who will come to a party to work on a project. You’re going to spend days on end in your basement ignoring a lovely wife someday.

Though, really, I could get past all of that if you guys didn’t invite a band. The Beatles? I mean, how did you guys get them to show?

Ah. New Deal with iTunes. I see. Still, that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook.

Get the groupies off my couch, wash the stink of gin and Facebook out of the car’s fur and please, don’t mess with the-

What, Google? You made a Google Voice app for the iPhone while I was ranting? Fan-freaking-tastic.

Next time, ask before you guys do anything while I’m gone.

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Posted on November 17, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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