Category Archives: Ads

Apple Creates iAd Gallery, Steve Jobs Puts Mirror Above His Bed

I don’t know about you guys, but I love ads. Love ’em. It’s why I watch the Super Bowl. It’s why I don’t install ad-blockers. I love it when I’m in the middle of watching a super-serious moment of House on Hulu, and right as the tension builds, the screen cuts to black and I see a middle-aged balding man trying to get me to give goats to Africa or something. Haha. Such fun, you know? Which is why I’m positively thrilled that Apple has released an iAd gallery app.

In what surely can’t be interpreted as any form of ad narcissism, the iAd gallery app allows people who have seen everything else there is to see on the internet to scroll through all the ads that you might otherwise see crowding your space in a game or blinking at you from the bottom of your grocery list app.

This comes not too long after TechCrunch recently reported that iAds weren’t doing so hot. The following is a transcript of how that meeting went down:

Tim Cook: “Well, developers are picking up iAds for their apps, but we’re just not getting advertisers in there to fill up the space.”

Jon Ive: “See, that’s the problem though. You’ve got advertisers who don’t want to be crammed in a little space. A little corner of your screen isn’t attention-grabbing. We’ve done what we can to let users see them at full screen with just a tap, but short of making an app that’s nothing but ads, we simply can’t-“

Steve Jobs: “That’s it.”

Tim Cook: “What’s it?”

Steve Jobs: “We’ll give them an app that’s nothing but ads. No. Not an app. A gallery. Like a museum. Each ad a little piece of creativity, hanging on the wall of an ivory hall. Elegant. Beautiful. Refined.”

Jon Ive: “You think advertisers will go for that?”

Tim Cook: “Hell yeah, they will! Advertisers love to hear that people are looking at their stuff. Let’s do it.”

Google, Apple’s primary rival in the smartphone race who gives their OS away for free and makes money solely on their advertising business made the following comment:

“That’s…..that’s just sad.”

Sony’s Xperia Play Ad Forces Me To Avoid A ‘Thumbs Up’ Pun

Sony’s gaming ads aren’t exactly known for their…umm…that is they lack a certain…err….ok, they’re really friggin’ weird. It’s no surprise that Sony’s venture into the phone/gaming device category that apparently exists would be accompanied by an ad that makes your skin crawl. But in a good way. I think.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, or have disregarded any news about any phones from Sony(and you would be more than justified for lowering your expectations), the Xperia Play is an Android phone made by Sony Ericsson that has a slide out gamepad. Not keyboard, gamepad. Directional arrows, all the buttons you know and love from the Playstation like circles and triangles. And squares. Oh how, I love squares. Sounds like a pretty good idea if you’re a heavy gamer and want an Android phone.

You know what’s not a good idea, though? Getting extensive surgery done in a dirty back alley by a guy who looks like he hasn’t showered in a month to attach thumbs to your green, plastic, digit-less limbs.

What’s that? You’re wondering how in the hell I made the connection between gaming phones and a scene straight out of Repo: The Genetic Opera? I have no idea. But clearly I’m not the first person to so, as this ad from Sony Ericsson demonstrates:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go wash my brain of this ad before I go pre-order an Xperia Play.